Aristophanes, Thesmophoriazusae (ed. Eugene O'Neill, Jr.)

Agathon

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Then you make love horse-fashion when you are composing a Phaedra.

If the heroes are men, [155] everything in him will be manly. What we don't possess by nature, we must acquire by imitation.

When you are staging Satyrs, call me; I will do my best to help you from behind, if I can get my tool up.

Besides, it is bad taste for a poet [160] to be coarse and hairy. Look at the famous Ibycus, at Anacreon of Teos, and at Alcaeus, who handled music so well; they wore head-bands and found pleasure in the lascivious and dances of Ionia. And have you not heard [165] what a dandy Phrynichus was and how careful in his dress? For this reason his pieces were also beautiful, for the works of a poet are copied from himself.

Ah! so it is for this reason that Philocles, who is so hideous, writes hideous pieces; Xenocles, who is malicious, malicious ones, [170] and Theognis, who is cold, such cold ones?

Yes, necessarily and unavoidably; and it is because I knew this that I have so well cared for my person.

How, in the gods' name?

Come, leave off badgering him; I was just the same at his age, when I began to write.

[175] Ah! then, by Zeus! I don't envy you your fine manners.

But listen to the cause that brings me here.

Say on.

Agathon, wise is he who can compress many thoughts into few words. Struck by a most cruel misfortune, [180] I come to you as a suppliant.

What are you asking?

The women purpose killing me to-day during the Thesmophoria, because I have dared to speak ill of them.

And what can I do for you in the matter?

Everything. Mingle secretly [185] with the women by making yourself pass as one of themselves; then do you plead my cause with your own lips, and I am saved. You, and you alone, are capable of speaking of me worthily.

But why not go and defend yourself?

Impossible. First of all, I am known; [190] further, I have white hair and a long beard; whereas you, you are good-looking, charming, and are close-shaven; you are fair, delicate, and have a woman's voice.

Euripides!

Well?

Have you not said in one of your pieces, “You love to see the light, and don't you believe your father loves it too?”

[195] Yes.

Then never you think I am going to expose myself in your stead; it would be madness. It's up to you to submit to the fate that overtakes you; one must not try to trick misfortune, but resign oneself to it with good grace.

[200] You fairy! That's why your arse is so accessible to lovers.

But what prevents your going there?

I should run more risk than you would.

Why?

Why? I should look as if I were wanting to trespass on secret nightly pleasures of the women [205] and to rape their Aphrodite.

This text is based on the following book(s):
Aristophanes. Women at the Thesmophoria. The Complete Greek Drama, vol. 2. Eugene O'Neill, Jr. New York. Random House. 1938.
OCLC: 32280428